Well, this is my very first blog I've ever done. I assume it's the same as a journal. I know that you can blog about pretty much anything...and you can journal about anything too. So...it's the same...right? I assume it is. I'm not sure if anyone will read this. I hope that maybe someone out there in the world will read it. If not, I guess I'm just talking to myself. It is better to blog then to talk to the walls though, as one of my friends says.
This being a new year, I decided to try something new and here it is. Blogging. I've had a lot of changes in my life and I think it's a good idea to keep track of them all. I'm a little stretched in the mind and I'm not completely together up there so it's probably good to keep track of what's going on in my life from day to day. Though, I might not end up blogging every day what with having a one and a half year old. A little bit about myself to start off with might be nice.
I'm a twenty two year old (well...I'm going to be twenty three in like a week) who is a single mother of a beautiful little girl who is a year and a half. Her name is Madison and she is the light of my life. She is what keeps me going ever day. So anyway, I left her father about a month and a half ago because he couldn't get his shit together (sorry...trying to get my swearing together...but it's been tough). I supported him for 3 years and he didn't get a job until I left his ass. He realized what he had when I left him but he can't have me back cause I've moved on. About the same time I left him I left my job. I was working at McDonald's for 3 years but was being treated like shit. Right now to be honest I'm REALLY regretting leaving that job. I know I hated it...but...I should have stayed. I left because they wouldn't let me change my availability but now I really need a job.
Finding a job has been a lot harder then I thought. Everyone said it was going to be easy for me. And if I had left a different time a year maybe it would have been. But...I left at a horrible time and now it's been really hard. I kind of feel like my life is falling apart. I can't provide for my child. I'm staying with a friend right now but I can't stay here forever. I'm trying to get into a shelter but I can't get into there until I get a job. I can't get a place of my own until I get a job. I don't think I've ever been this low in my life before. I feel like I've totally failed my child.
I try really hard to stay positive. When I left my ex I did a lot to make myself a better person. I've lost 20 lbs, I cut and dyed my hair. I feel and look so much better. And so many people have noticed it. And when I walk into my old work people are like "Leslie? Oh my gosh?!". They can hardly believe it's me. That makes me feel really good. But, that still doesn't help me find a job or get a place of my own for me and Madison. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, and i wish I could figure it out.
Then...there is this guy I like. We met online. And we've hung out a couple of times. He's cute and really cool. We have a lot in common and...I'm pretty sure he likes me. We flirt a lot and that makes me smile. I look forward to his texts. We still need to get to know each other a lot more that's for sure. And hang out more. And there is that issue that he kind of lives a bit away and doesn't live in the same city as me. But...that's just a minor detail, right?
Well...that's my life in a nut shell right now. It's kind of crazy. Trust me...it's more crazy then you can even imagine from what I've put down on paper.
As for current stuff, Madison is going over to her Father's tonight. She will be spending the night. He said that he will be taking her through Wednesday and possibly until Thursday. I really hope that he wants to keep her until Thursday. This will be the first time since I broke up with him that he has had her and he really needs to spend time with her. All I can do is wait until he comes to pick her up to see if he will be keeping her that long. I'm crossing my fingers.
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