Well, today my mom came and picked me up early because I had an interview at 10:45 at WSI. It's like a temp agency and I filled out an application online last week for a few factory jobs. Not really sure how that interview went to be honest. I wont know until the business gets my information and decides if they want me. But right after my interview I got a call from Lane Bryant for an interview tomorrow at 2pm. I'm hoping this interview will turn out good. I just really need a job so bad so that I can find a place to live. It's becoming discouraging, none of these interviews working out. I just dont know what to do. My friend Alex reminded me today that if the interviews are still coming it's a good thing. And I know that...but I want something to work out.
So after my interview my mom took me to a few apartments so that I could pick up some applications for subsidised housing. I didn't go to all the places because the lady at the first place said that I should call instead of waisting the gas and have them mail me the applications. So that's what I did. Also called my case worker today to figure out what's going on with my case. I really need my medicaid back so I can get back on my medication.
Madison has a cold right now and I took her to the doctors yesterday and was given a perscription. Well, for some reason they gave me a medication that medicaid doesn't cover. Talk about messed up. Madison is allergic to Amoxicillin so they have to giver her something else so I had to call the doctors office and hopefully they can get me something different for her.
Today hasn't really gone the way that I thought that it would. I got so...stressed out and bothered that I craved a ciggartt for the first time in 2 months. I didn't have one thankfully but the want was still there. And I didn't like it. I refuse to go back to smoking. I'm free of it and I'll never go back.
So...on a totally random note...there has been something wrong with my root canal for the past 2-3 months. I only got a temporary filling and when that fell out I just had this hole in my tooth. Well....I should have gotten it taken care of because now I think it's infected because the gums are actually level with the tooth. And just today it started to hurt for the first time ( the gums, not the tooth)...and they are swollen a little bit and it's not cool. Once my medicaid gets fixed though I can go and get it looked at by someone. I know that I will be needing something to take the infection away, and the tooth will probably be pulled but I'm to the point that I dont care. It's the only tooth that needs to be pulled and I have the rest of my teeth and that's all that matters. It's really bothering me.
So I guess that's all for now.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Have Faith, And Good Things Will Happen
Well, not much to report about the mission seeing as I wrote on Friday and it was the end of the week. But Saturday was awesome. My dad came and picked Madison and I up at 9am and we just hung out for awhile. It was fun. And then Zach came over at about 4. We had some home made pizza with my parents before they had to head off to a bingo thing at 5. And Zach and I watched movies and watched Madison be her crazy self. She's been really tired lately though, so I put her down early and she pretty much slept from 6:30-8 and then when we got back to our room she slept from 8:30-6:30 this morning. She's sick though cause she has a bit of a cough :(. I wish I could do something about it, but I really can't. I can only keep an eye on it and hope that it doesn't get any worse.
So Zach and I watched a few movies together, one of which I liked a lot (Gamer). He took Madison and I 'home' at about 8 so we could get there in time. Too bad that had to happen. I really can't wait to get my own place. I know I have to be patient, and everything will work out. But my patience isn't the best. I hate not working, it's driving me crazy. But I know that that too will work out.
I hate the fact that Zach and I only get to see each other on Saturdays. If I had my own place we could see each other so much more, but that's not the case. :/ It sucks!!! And I can't do anything about it x_x.
Right so I'm going to stop talking about things that can't be helped now. I need to stay positive and know that I can make it and I can do it. I can do anything that I put my mind to! :D
Before I leave, I must put a song that brings me much joy.
So Zach and I watched a few movies together, one of which I liked a lot (Gamer). He took Madison and I 'home' at about 8 so we could get there in time. Too bad that had to happen. I really can't wait to get my own place. I know I have to be patient, and everything will work out. But my patience isn't the best. I hate not working, it's driving me crazy. But I know that that too will work out.
I hate the fact that Zach and I only get to see each other on Saturdays. If I had my own place we could see each other so much more, but that's not the case. :/ It sucks!!! And I can't do anything about it x_x.
Right so I'm going to stop talking about things that can't be helped now. I need to stay positive and know that I can make it and I can do it. I can do anything that I put my mind to! :D
Before I leave, I must put a song that brings me much joy.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Life Isn't As Bad As It Seems Sometimes.
Wow, I sure have been busy. Too busy to even go down to the library and update my blog. But I'm here at my parents today doing some laundry and hanging out so I have a chance to update. And I'll be coming back on Saturday as well as Sunday ^^b. My parents rock. They are helping me out so much in my time of need.
<---What I've Been Doing--->
I've been pretty busy at the Mission. Every morning I wake up at 5am (which I guess I'll have to start waking up at 4:30 x_x) and showering and getting Madison up and getting her to breakfast at 6:15. Then we go back to our room to make our beds (she plays while I make the beds) and to clean the room up because they do 'bed checks' during the day to make sure your room is clean and your beds are made. 8am we leave and go down to the REC room where we hangout for an hour until Madison can go to daycare from 9am-11:30am. Then is lunch at Noon. After lunch, on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays you can take your child back to daycare. Wednesday and Friday you have to figure something else out I guess.
I've been keeping pretty busy. On Monday I went and donated plasma and Aubry watched Madison for me so that I could do that. It was really helpful of her ^^b. I've been trying to remember what I did on Tuesday, but for the life of me I can't seem to rememer what I did in the afternoon. Oh I remember. Aubry came and picked me and Madison up and I was able to hang out for a little and get a few applications filled out online. Wednesday I had an interview at a carpet cleaning place over on Stadium Drive. It was a great job opportunity, but it doesn't work well with my schedule and the days are 10-12 hours long. I woudn't mind this, but I have to keep Madison in mind and daycare and if I were to work 6 days a week 10-12 hours a day I would never see my daughter. And that's not cool. On thursday I dropped Madison off at the daycare in the afternoon for the first time and had an appointment with an HRI worker at 1:20. I then proceeded to fill out some applications online on my phone. I was so excited that I was able to do that. I didn't think my phone was going to let me go through it all but it did and I might have a great factory job.
So I've pretty much stayed busy. Today I'm over here at my parents because my laundry day was on Monday and I didn't know about that until it was too late x_x and I wont be making it to Monday. Me and Madison are pretty much out of clean clothing. It really sucks but I'm thankful that I have such caring parents who are willing to let me come over and get some stuff done.
<---How Madison is Holding Up--->
Madison is doing pretty good. She doesn't seem to like daycare very much because it means she's away from me. She crys when I drop her off and when I pick her up :(. I feel bad but I need that time to do stuff (though I wish the daycare was a little longer so I could get more done. I actually have to plan some days out where I take Madison with me because it would take too long). The one thing I think she is having the hardest time with is not getting a decent nap. If I'm lucky she'll fall asleep in my arms like she did yesterday. It's really cute, but kind of sad at the same time. She needs her rest, but there isn't much that I can do. Right now is nice because she's taking a nap right now and I know she really needs it.
<---How I'm Holding Up--->
I'm doing ok. I was really depressed that first night at the Mission. But I'm doing pretty good. Just trying to keep myself busy so that I don't go crazier than I already am. There are times where the is nothing to do and it's hard because it's winter and you can't really go outside and hang out. I've made a few friends though. One lady her name is Christina. She has 3 kids and they are all really nice and I talk with her a lot and we eat our meals together. She's a really cool person, I'm glad that there is someone I can talk with and connect with. That helps me from going crazy too. Another lady, her name is Julia (J for short). She's really cool too. I talked with her probably the second or third night I stayed there and we talked about religion and other stuff and I got to know her and we talk a little bit too. There isn't really anyone else that I've gotten to know very well but I know it's only a matter of time before I get to know most of them. Some of them I don't want to get to know. But having people that you can talk to helps and makes time go by faster and makes life seem not so bad. It also helps that I have people praying for me and people supporting me a lot right now. And being able to talk with Zach every day helps too. Though, it sucks that the only day we can really see each other is on Saturday. We could probably hang out on Thursdays if I wasn't stuck in such a shitty situation. But, I am and it sucks. And right now we just have to deal with it. I think it's working out ok dispite all this going on.
<---At The End of The Day--->
After dinner Madison and I go back up to our room and spend some quality time together before I put her to bed at about 7ish. Her normal bed time is 8pm but because she doens't get a nap I put her down earlier (and not to mention she wakes up at 5:30am). After I put her to sleep I wait until 7:30 (because famliy time is technically 6:30-7:30) to do my chore. I'm kind of irritated that I was assigned a second chore yesterday. Not only do I clean the bathrooms, but I also now have to wipe down the furnature in the community room. I think it's funny that I have 2 chores and Christina and I were talking and she doesn't even have a chore for some reason. It's ok, I can deal with it. I only have to do it tonight and possibly tomorrow night. It's not like I had to do 2 chores all week long. Then I would have said something about it. Once I finish my chore I spend some time to myself doing whatever I feel like doing and chatting on MSN messenger (my phone rocks!). Then at 9 we have a devotion that we have to go to in the community room. It kind of sucks because I want to go to bed earlier than that but there isn't much I can do about it. Then I go to bed because I'm so fucking tired. And that's my life.
I'm working my ass off to find a job and next week I'm going out to get on some waiting lists for subsidised apartments. A lot more is going on with child support and other stuff but that's a lot more to write. I covered the basics and the important stuff for now. I hope that I can blog some more tomorrow morning when I come back over ^^b.
<---What I've Been Doing--->
I've been pretty busy at the Mission. Every morning I wake up at 5am (which I guess I'll have to start waking up at 4:30 x_x) and showering and getting Madison up and getting her to breakfast at 6:15. Then we go back to our room to make our beds (she plays while I make the beds) and to clean the room up because they do 'bed checks' during the day to make sure your room is clean and your beds are made. 8am we leave and go down to the REC room where we hangout for an hour until Madison can go to daycare from 9am-11:30am. Then is lunch at Noon. After lunch, on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays you can take your child back to daycare. Wednesday and Friday you have to figure something else out I guess.
I've been keeping pretty busy. On Monday I went and donated plasma and Aubry watched Madison for me so that I could do that. It was really helpful of her ^^b. I've been trying to remember what I did on Tuesday, but for the life of me I can't seem to rememer what I did in the afternoon. Oh I remember. Aubry came and picked me and Madison up and I was able to hang out for a little and get a few applications filled out online. Wednesday I had an interview at a carpet cleaning place over on Stadium Drive. It was a great job opportunity, but it doesn't work well with my schedule and the days are 10-12 hours long. I woudn't mind this, but I have to keep Madison in mind and daycare and if I were to work 6 days a week 10-12 hours a day I would never see my daughter. And that's not cool. On thursday I dropped Madison off at the daycare in the afternoon for the first time and had an appointment with an HRI worker at 1:20. I then proceeded to fill out some applications online on my phone. I was so excited that I was able to do that. I didn't think my phone was going to let me go through it all but it did and I might have a great factory job.
So I've pretty much stayed busy. Today I'm over here at my parents because my laundry day was on Monday and I didn't know about that until it was too late x_x and I wont be making it to Monday. Me and Madison are pretty much out of clean clothing. It really sucks but I'm thankful that I have such caring parents who are willing to let me come over and get some stuff done.
<---How Madison is Holding Up--->
Madison is doing pretty good. She doesn't seem to like daycare very much because it means she's away from me. She crys when I drop her off and when I pick her up :(. I feel bad but I need that time to do stuff (though I wish the daycare was a little longer so I could get more done. I actually have to plan some days out where I take Madison with me because it would take too long). The one thing I think she is having the hardest time with is not getting a decent nap. If I'm lucky she'll fall asleep in my arms like she did yesterday. It's really cute, but kind of sad at the same time. She needs her rest, but there isn't much that I can do. Right now is nice because she's taking a nap right now and I know she really needs it.
<---How I'm Holding Up--->
I'm doing ok. I was really depressed that first night at the Mission. But I'm doing pretty good. Just trying to keep myself busy so that I don't go crazier than I already am. There are times where the is nothing to do and it's hard because it's winter and you can't really go outside and hang out. I've made a few friends though. One lady her name is Christina. She has 3 kids and they are all really nice and I talk with her a lot and we eat our meals together. She's a really cool person, I'm glad that there is someone I can talk with and connect with. That helps me from going crazy too. Another lady, her name is Julia (J for short). She's really cool too. I talked with her probably the second or third night I stayed there and we talked about religion and other stuff and I got to know her and we talk a little bit too. There isn't really anyone else that I've gotten to know very well but I know it's only a matter of time before I get to know most of them. Some of them I don't want to get to know. But having people that you can talk to helps and makes time go by faster and makes life seem not so bad. It also helps that I have people praying for me and people supporting me a lot right now. And being able to talk with Zach every day helps too. Though, it sucks that the only day we can really see each other is on Saturday. We could probably hang out on Thursdays if I wasn't stuck in such a shitty situation. But, I am and it sucks. And right now we just have to deal with it. I think it's working out ok dispite all this going on.
<---At The End of The Day--->
After dinner Madison and I go back up to our room and spend some quality time together before I put her to bed at about 7ish. Her normal bed time is 8pm but because she doens't get a nap I put her down earlier (and not to mention she wakes up at 5:30am). After I put her to sleep I wait until 7:30 (because famliy time is technically 6:30-7:30) to do my chore. I'm kind of irritated that I was assigned a second chore yesterday. Not only do I clean the bathrooms, but I also now have to wipe down the furnature in the community room. I think it's funny that I have 2 chores and Christina and I were talking and she doesn't even have a chore for some reason. It's ok, I can deal with it. I only have to do it tonight and possibly tomorrow night. It's not like I had to do 2 chores all week long. Then I would have said something about it. Once I finish my chore I spend some time to myself doing whatever I feel like doing and chatting on MSN messenger (my phone rocks!). Then at 9 we have a devotion that we have to go to in the community room. It kind of sucks because I want to go to bed earlier than that but there isn't much I can do about it. Then I go to bed because I'm so fucking tired. And that's my life.
I'm working my ass off to find a job and next week I'm going out to get on some waiting lists for subsidised apartments. A lot more is going on with child support and other stuff but that's a lot more to write. I covered the basics and the important stuff for now. I hope that I can blog some more tomorrow morning when I come back over ^^b.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
When the world turns upside down, you gotta try to look at it from a different angle.
Well, I'm going to try to keep this blog going as I am at The Mission (for those of you who don't know, The Mission is a homeless shelter). I may not be able to update every single day, but I'll do my best to keep it up to date.
So last night was my first night at The Mission. It was exhausing. I got there at 3:30. I was first informed that I had to take all of my clothing and put it in the dryer for 30 minutes to 'fight infestation'. I understand this, so I had no problem going along with it. Then the lady said that there was a shift change coming up so at 4 they would be able to do the intake on me. Well, then for some reason they had to take care of somthing at 4 so they told me that they wouldn't be able to get me in until after dinner. Long story short, it was past 7 when I got all the paper work done. And the paper work didn't take that long, it was just because other shit was going on. But we got into a room. They have it set up so that you walk into a room and there are two bunk beds and then there are two doors to two different rooms. You all share one bathroom. I got lucky and got a single room to myself. So I have privicy and Madison can get her sleep like she needs.
I was so tired last night that I went to bed at like 9:30. But I got woken up an hour later by one of the other ladys because she was kind enough to tell me that I had a chore to do. Yay! My chore for the week: Clean the bathroom in the evening. *shrug* Oh well, it could be worse right? I can deal with that. I went back to bed after that though.
This morning. I woke up at 5am so that I could get a shower before Madison had to get up. Wake up call is at 5:30 for breakfast at 6:15. It's hard getting a 1 & 1/2 year old up at 5:30 but for a meal it's worth it. Though, we were only given like 15-20 minutes to eat and Madison takes forever to eat. Breakfast will be interesting that's for sure.
So this is how The Mission works. Wake up call is at 5:30. If you don't want to go to breakfast that's fine. Breakfast is at 6:15. After breakfast you go back up to your room. You have to make sure your room is neat and clean and your beds are made before you leave. You have to be off the floor and down stairs by 8am. You can do what you want from there. There is a room (it's the REC room) where it's warm and you can stay. They have daycare for the kids from 8:30-11:30 (which I need to sign Madison up for because...), and from 9:30-10:30 there is a manditory class that I have to go to. If you have a job then you don't have to go but, I have yet to get the job (tomorrow I'm supposed to be getting a call). So anyway, they serve you lunch as well as dinner and after dinner you can go up to your room. Cerfew is at 6, accept on Friday and Saturday. If you have done your chores all week and been good and no one has told you other wise, your cerfew on Friday and Saturday night is 8:30.
This is great, but I don't think I'll be doing anything Friday night. And Saturday night....yeah...I hope to do something on Saturday but that's hope. The problem is finding something that can be done with Madison if I go somewhere. And I also want to hang out with Zach, but that gets complicated too : /
So that's how it works. Oh and during the day you have to be looking for a job and a place to live. Hopefully I wont have to worry about the job part *crosses fingers and prays*. As long as Burger King calls back on Monday I will be set. The guy said he didn't have an exact date yet for the orientation, and that he had a few details to work out (whatever that ment...). But he had said the only thing that he was waiting for at the time was the background check to come back and like I said I'm clean as can be. I feel like I'm running out of places to apply. I know there are quite a few others places to go to, but I am running out of places.
<----How I'm Holding Up---->
So I guess I'm holding up ok. I cried for a long time last night after Madison went to bed. It's not that bad sleeping there or the chores or anything. It's the fact that the class is at such a awkward time of the morning that it makes it hard to do anything and the daycare is...weird. Just the fact that you get an hour before and after the class to do something without your child...but what you are supposed to do I'm not sure because you can't ride a bus anywhere there isn't time. I need to go donate plasma tomorrow. Not sure who is going to watch Madison. If I can't gets someone to watch her between 1 and 4 then I'm screwed and will have to figure out different day to go back to the plasma center. I'm not sure if after Monday I will be able to go again...I mean I will but the wait will be longer because I wont be able to go at 7am anymore due to the dumb class and needing to find someone to watch Madison. It's just easier to get a job. But I really need to go this second time. Right, holding up...the idea of not having anything to do and staying in the REC room for hours freaks me out. Madison has no attention span what so ever, so even if you give her a toy she's everywhere. And I have to follow her everwhere because you have to keep an eye on your children (well duh of course, like I have a problem with this? No, I don't). But I'm pretty much following her around as she walks around this room and I try to keep her out of stuff. It's stressful. And makes me tired. I wish she was a little older. I think that's the one thing that stresses me out the most. Strange I know. But I guess I can deal. It's really not that bad. Just...stressful.
So right now people might ask what I need most. What I need most is emotional support I guess. I get lonely and the only thing I can do after Madison goes to bed other than my chore is get on facebook on my phone. That's not bad, but it get's...boring after awhile. There are only so many things you can do on facebook. I'm addicted to it...I watch it almost constantly because it's something to do. It's like an escape. A connection that I really need with people right now.
So yeah, that's how it is right now. Hopefully I can get to the public library and update this every few days. The entries will have to be short because I'll have Madison with me, but they'll be there.
So last night was my first night at The Mission. It was exhausing. I got there at 3:30. I was first informed that I had to take all of my clothing and put it in the dryer for 30 minutes to 'fight infestation'. I understand this, so I had no problem going along with it. Then the lady said that there was a shift change coming up so at 4 they would be able to do the intake on me. Well, then for some reason they had to take care of somthing at 4 so they told me that they wouldn't be able to get me in until after dinner. Long story short, it was past 7 when I got all the paper work done. And the paper work didn't take that long, it was just because other shit was going on. But we got into a room. They have it set up so that you walk into a room and there are two bunk beds and then there are two doors to two different rooms. You all share one bathroom. I got lucky and got a single room to myself. So I have privicy and Madison can get her sleep like she needs.
I was so tired last night that I went to bed at like 9:30. But I got woken up an hour later by one of the other ladys because she was kind enough to tell me that I had a chore to do. Yay! My chore for the week: Clean the bathroom in the evening. *shrug* Oh well, it could be worse right? I can deal with that. I went back to bed after that though.
This morning. I woke up at 5am so that I could get a shower before Madison had to get up. Wake up call is at 5:30 for breakfast at 6:15. It's hard getting a 1 & 1/2 year old up at 5:30 but for a meal it's worth it. Though, we were only given like 15-20 minutes to eat and Madison takes forever to eat. Breakfast will be interesting that's for sure.
So this is how The Mission works. Wake up call is at 5:30. If you don't want to go to breakfast that's fine. Breakfast is at 6:15. After breakfast you go back up to your room. You have to make sure your room is neat and clean and your beds are made before you leave. You have to be off the floor and down stairs by 8am. You can do what you want from there. There is a room (it's the REC room) where it's warm and you can stay. They have daycare for the kids from 8:30-11:30 (which I need to sign Madison up for because...), and from 9:30-10:30 there is a manditory class that I have to go to. If you have a job then you don't have to go but, I have yet to get the job (tomorrow I'm supposed to be getting a call). So anyway, they serve you lunch as well as dinner and after dinner you can go up to your room. Cerfew is at 6, accept on Friday and Saturday. If you have done your chores all week and been good and no one has told you other wise, your cerfew on Friday and Saturday night is 8:30.
This is great, but I don't think I'll be doing anything Friday night. And Saturday night....yeah...I hope to do something on Saturday but that's hope. The problem is finding something that can be done with Madison if I go somewhere. And I also want to hang out with Zach, but that gets complicated too : /
So that's how it works. Oh and during the day you have to be looking for a job and a place to live. Hopefully I wont have to worry about the job part *crosses fingers and prays*. As long as Burger King calls back on Monday I will be set. The guy said he didn't have an exact date yet for the orientation, and that he had a few details to work out (whatever that ment...). But he had said the only thing that he was waiting for at the time was the background check to come back and like I said I'm clean as can be. I feel like I'm running out of places to apply. I know there are quite a few others places to go to, but I am running out of places.
<----How I'm Holding Up---->
So I guess I'm holding up ok. I cried for a long time last night after Madison went to bed. It's not that bad sleeping there or the chores or anything. It's the fact that the class is at such a awkward time of the morning that it makes it hard to do anything and the daycare is...weird. Just the fact that you get an hour before and after the class to do something without your child...but what you are supposed to do I'm not sure because you can't ride a bus anywhere there isn't time. I need to go donate plasma tomorrow. Not sure who is going to watch Madison. If I can't gets someone to watch her between 1 and 4 then I'm screwed and will have to figure out different day to go back to the plasma center. I'm not sure if after Monday I will be able to go again...I mean I will but the wait will be longer because I wont be able to go at 7am anymore due to the dumb class and needing to find someone to watch Madison. It's just easier to get a job. But I really need to go this second time. Right, holding up...the idea of not having anything to do and staying in the REC room for hours freaks me out. Madison has no attention span what so ever, so even if you give her a toy she's everywhere. And I have to follow her everwhere because you have to keep an eye on your children (well duh of course, like I have a problem with this? No, I don't). But I'm pretty much following her around as she walks around this room and I try to keep her out of stuff. It's stressful. And makes me tired. I wish she was a little older. I think that's the one thing that stresses me out the most. Strange I know. But I guess I can deal. It's really not that bad. Just...stressful.
So right now people might ask what I need most. What I need most is emotional support I guess. I get lonely and the only thing I can do after Madison goes to bed other than my chore is get on facebook on my phone. That's not bad, but it get's...boring after awhile. There are only so many things you can do on facebook. I'm addicted to it...I watch it almost constantly because it's something to do. It's like an escape. A connection that I really need with people right now.
So yeah, that's how it is right now. Hopefully I can get to the public library and update this every few days. The entries will have to be short because I'll have Madison with me, but they'll be there.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
When you fall down, you pick yourself back up
Wow, life sure has been pretty crazy the past few days. Okay, maybe just yesterday and today is going to be pretty interesting since it's my birthday. In a nut shell yesterday I found out that I will have to be moving from where I am staying and paying $300 for 'back rent' I guess you could say. It was a harsh reality it shattered my world. I wasn't ready for it. I'm going to take it in stride though and try to be as positive as possible. I have to be strong for me and Madison. Everything will work out.
As I said today is my birthday. Not a lot going on today. Yesterday I spent the night over at Aubry's and hung out with her. She got me drunk which was awesome. She's letting me hang out for the day here at her place and she's getting me a Birthday cake as well. Zach is coming over after he get's off of work to see me. I'm really happy about that. A lot more happened today, and a lot more is going on today but it's so much to type. The shortest journal/blog in the world!
As I said today is my birthday. Not a lot going on today. Yesterday I spent the night over at Aubry's and hung out with her. She got me drunk which was awesome. She's letting me hang out for the day here at her place and she's getting me a Birthday cake as well. Zach is coming over after he get's off of work to see me. I'm really happy about that. A lot more happened today, and a lot more is going on today but it's so much to type. The shortest journal/blog in the world!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Happiness can come from crazy days
Wow, it's amazing how fast just a few days can go when you are having a ton of fun. And now that the internet is finally working properly for a little bit I can finally type this out.
Well, I Saturday was great. My dad came and picked Madison up at 1:30 and I was picked up to go bowling by Zach and Jeff at 2. There were other people there but it was cool and it went a lot better than I expected. I've gotten pretty good with interacting with people that I don't know (thank you McDonald's. Something that I can actually thank you for). It was a ton of fun and I'm so glad that I was able to get out and hang out with friends and even people that I don't know. After bowling me Zach and Jeff went to Vicksburg to watch movies and later on in the night get drunk.
Well...I didn't end up getting drunk (and I didn't get completely wasted this time either lol). But I had an okay buzz and it was cool. So we watched a lot of movies and I had fun. Jeff ended up going to bed really early but it was cool because that left me and Zach some time to spend together. It was nice...we lied on the floor and cuddled and it was nice. Pretty much to sum it up we're dating now lol. I'm happy. It really sucks that he technically lives in Fulton. So we don't really get to see each other a lot...but I'm confident that we can make it work ^^b.
Oh boy...but did I apparently freak every one out Sunday morning. We started watching Anime and movies Sunday morning and I totally lost track of time. And I get shit for reception in Vicksburg and I didn't know the whole world was trying to get a hold of me. Well...my mom freaked out so much she almost called the cops. She's crazy...I can take care of myself. I'm almost 23 after all. Ew...I'm about to turn 23. That's so depressing. I don't even want to talk about it.
Well, that's pretty much it. Kind of a short entry for having not written for a few days. Oh well :P
Well, I Saturday was great. My dad came and picked Madison up at 1:30 and I was picked up to go bowling by Zach and Jeff at 2. There were other people there but it was cool and it went a lot better than I expected. I've gotten pretty good with interacting with people that I don't know (thank you McDonald's. Something that I can actually thank you for). It was a ton of fun and I'm so glad that I was able to get out and hang out with friends and even people that I don't know. After bowling me Zach and Jeff went to Vicksburg to watch movies and later on in the night get drunk.
Well...I didn't end up getting drunk (and I didn't get completely wasted this time either lol). But I had an okay buzz and it was cool. So we watched a lot of movies and I had fun. Jeff ended up going to bed really early but it was cool because that left me and Zach some time to spend together. It was nice...we lied on the floor and cuddled and it was nice. Pretty much to sum it up we're dating now lol. I'm happy. It really sucks that he technically lives in Fulton. So we don't really get to see each other a lot...but I'm confident that we can make it work ^^b.
Oh boy...but did I apparently freak every one out Sunday morning. We started watching Anime and movies Sunday morning and I totally lost track of time. And I get shit for reception in Vicksburg and I didn't know the whole world was trying to get a hold of me. Well...my mom freaked out so much she almost called the cops. She's crazy...I can take care of myself. I'm almost 23 after all. Ew...I'm about to turn 23. That's so depressing. I don't even want to talk about it.
Well, that's pretty much it. Kind of a short entry for having not written for a few days. Oh well :P
Thursday, January 6, 2011
It's good to have Madison home
Wow it has been one long day. I started off waking up at 5am. I would have dragged my ass out of bed, but I had a hard time doing that so I ended up falling asleep for 45 more minutes. I swear I woke up and physically got up then and there though. I got up so early because I need to compile a list of doctors that accepted my insurance so that I could call them. So I did just that and I made all the phone calls that I needed to make. But...when it came to calling to get a PCP I called my HMO to find out who my original PCP was so I could change it. That was when I found out that my insurance had been cut of in August of 2009. How does something like that happen and I not know about it for over a year? That's insane! Well I have two levels of insurance...correction >>had<<. Because I was supposed to get my medication for my seizures today as well. But I found out that that insurance covering that got cut off as well for some reason. After everything else that happened today that was the earth shattering moment of the day. It really brought me down. Everything has been going so good and I've been looking forward to the possibility that I might be able to get my licence in a few months because I've been taking my medication like I'm supposed to. Well...now I can't. Because I can't get my medication. And it really upsets me. Because it's not like that's an inexpensive medication or anything. I guess what upsets me is it's not a quick fix. If I get my insurance back (if the state gives it back to me) they will cover all my medical expenses. That's cool but I can't afford my mediation up front, and I what happens if I don't get the medical coverage? Then I'm stuck with all these lovely bills that I can't pay because I can't even pay my student loans?
So this is where I will begin as January 7th but still talk about January 6th.
Madison came home yesterday. I was so excited I was pacing. I didn't know what to do with myself. I took a shower, and washed the dishes and vacuumed and straightened up but that didn't take nearly enough time. I just didn't know what to do with myself. She was supposed to get home at noon, but I had asked her father if he could go to Walmart and pick up my prescription for me. It was free and he just needed to know my name and date of birth and it was right on the way. [That was how I found out about my medication because he called me and told me that the pharmacist said that my insurance was invalid but I just needed to bring my new insurance card in and it would be okay. And my ex wouldn't dick me over on something like this. Because he know's this has to do with me getting my licence and that relates directly to getting my daughter around and anything to do with the her is important to him]. So instead of noon, she got home at 1. I was so excited to have her back. This being her first visit to her fathers though, I was interested to see what I got back with her.
So only one shirt is missing, which is understandable. It's possible that it fell out and he just didn't catch it. I'll just have to tell him about it next time I talk to him. Everything else was fine...accept for one thing...okay two things. She came home clingy as fuck for some reason [okay she was clingy before but not nearly this bad]. And everything of hers smelled like cigarette smoke. It was DISGUSTING. Even SHE smelled like smoke. It was like...yeah bath time! Oh bath time.... Well let's stay in order. I fed her lunch and she was really fussy so I put her down for a nap. After that she played for a bit and then we had some dinner and then it was bath time. Thank goodness we can get that smell of smoke off her. She had a blast in bath time last night. More so than usual I'm not really sure why. All I know is that I stood there watching her...and I couldn't help but have the BIGGEST smile on my face. [Wow...damn it's so great to have her back home]. Well...it's near the end of her bath and I'm about to get her out and she's still splashing around like CRAZY when the unthinkable happens and she has an accident. A very unpleasant accident...that I had to clean up. So I took her and got her taken care of and had to rinse out the tub and bleach it. That was a ton of fun. It was bed time then for the little munchkin.
Me time after that. And that means getting on my game. It was nice being able to spend time with friends. I guess yesterday I didn't have as much going on as I normally do because half of my day I spent waiting for Madison. Oh...and I spent like over an hour talking with Aubry about some crazy personal stuff...like my seizures and some really deep stuff from my past depression issues. That was really nice to just sit and have a conversation with someone. We had a great time together. I'm glad we got to hang out. :D
I'm really excited right now because on Saturday I'm going with Zach bowling. He said a few other people are going...I think Jeff is going and I guess a few people from their work that I've never met. Meeting new people...oh boy. That will be fun. Quick! Someone give me a lesson on how to spend time people you've never talked to before! Haha. No but really...I'm not really good at that. That's part of the reason I avoid social situations like that. I get really quiet. I've only hung out with Zach and Jeff like two times before already as it is...and I've only just barely stared to open up with them. I mean, I text them a lot and talk to them online a lot to so I have an upper hand. But still, hanging out in person and talking online are two very different things. Is it sad I need a few shots to loosen up? I mean the first time we went out I had to take a few shots just so I could calm down and not freak out. My anxiety level was at an all time high. I guess a friend was right when he said I might need to be on something for anxiety. Well, there really isn't much that can be done lol. Maybe I'll just take a few shots before they come and pick me up (but that just sounds sad...taking a few shots at 1pm...in the middle of the day....wow that is sad).
Before I head off for the day until I post tonight I want to add a link to this AMAZING song. It's on youtube...and I'm not giving you the link for the video. I'm giving you the link so you can listen to the song. Listen, don't bother with watching.
So this is where I will begin as January 7th but still talk about January 6th.
Madison came home yesterday. I was so excited I was pacing. I didn't know what to do with myself. I took a shower, and washed the dishes and vacuumed and straightened up but that didn't take nearly enough time. I just didn't know what to do with myself. She was supposed to get home at noon, but I had asked her father if he could go to Walmart and pick up my prescription for me. It was free and he just needed to know my name and date of birth and it was right on the way. [That was how I found out about my medication because he called me and told me that the pharmacist said that my insurance was invalid but I just needed to bring my new insurance card in and it would be okay. And my ex wouldn't dick me over on something like this. Because he know's this has to do with me getting my licence and that relates directly to getting my daughter around and anything to do with the her is important to him]. So instead of noon, she got home at 1. I was so excited to have her back. This being her first visit to her fathers though, I was interested to see what I got back with her.
So only one shirt is missing, which is understandable. It's possible that it fell out and he just didn't catch it. I'll just have to tell him about it next time I talk to him. Everything else was fine...accept for one thing...okay two things. She came home clingy as fuck for some reason [okay she was clingy before but not nearly this bad]. And everything of hers smelled like cigarette smoke. It was DISGUSTING. Even SHE smelled like smoke. It was like...yeah bath time! Oh bath time.... Well let's stay in order. I fed her lunch and she was really fussy so I put her down for a nap. After that she played for a bit and then we had some dinner and then it was bath time. Thank goodness we can get that smell of smoke off her. She had a blast in bath time last night. More so than usual I'm not really sure why. All I know is that I stood there watching her...and I couldn't help but have the BIGGEST smile on my face. [Wow...damn it's so great to have her back home]. Well...it's near the end of her bath and I'm about to get her out and she's still splashing around like CRAZY when the unthinkable happens and she has an accident. A very unpleasant accident...that I had to clean up. So I took her and got her taken care of and had to rinse out the tub and bleach it. That was a ton of fun. It was bed time then for the little munchkin.
Me time after that. And that means getting on my game. It was nice being able to spend time with friends. I guess yesterday I didn't have as much going on as I normally do because half of my day I spent waiting for Madison. Oh...and I spent like over an hour talking with Aubry about some crazy personal stuff...like my seizures and some really deep stuff from my past depression issues. That was really nice to just sit and have a conversation with someone. We had a great time together. I'm glad we got to hang out. :D
I'm really excited right now because on Saturday I'm going with Zach bowling. He said a few other people are going...I think Jeff is going and I guess a few people from their work that I've never met. Meeting new people...oh boy. That will be fun. Quick! Someone give me a lesson on how to spend time people you've never talked to before! Haha. No but really...I'm not really good at that. That's part of the reason I avoid social situations like that. I get really quiet. I've only hung out with Zach and Jeff like two times before already as it is...and I've only just barely stared to open up with them. I mean, I text them a lot and talk to them online a lot to so I have an upper hand. But still, hanging out in person and talking online are two very different things. Is it sad I need a few shots to loosen up? I mean the first time we went out I had to take a few shots just so I could calm down and not freak out. My anxiety level was at an all time high. I guess a friend was right when he said I might need to be on something for anxiety. Well, there really isn't much that can be done lol. Maybe I'll just take a few shots before they come and pick me up (but that just sounds sad...taking a few shots at 1pm...in the middle of the day....wow that is sad).
Before I head off for the day until I post tonight I want to add a link to this AMAZING song. It's on youtube...and I'm not giving you the link for the video. I'm giving you the link so you can listen to the song. Listen, don't bother with watching.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Latte's make the world a better place
Let me first start off by saying that I have had way too much caffeine today. A cup of Chai Tea Latte from Panera Bread. Really, that shouldn't be too much but since I quit drinking soda more than a month and a half ago and never drink coffee or have anything with caffeine in it it doesn't take much to make me go crazy. Onto my day...
It was very strange not having Madison this morning. But I woke up at 8am anyway because I had a lot to do. I was out the door by 10am and ready to find a job. It really wasn't that cold. Yeah it was 27 degrees out but I think that my positive attitude helped me keep warm ^_^. I was pretty much done by noon, but when I walked into Burger King I got a tip that the General Manager would be in at 3 and I should come back and turn the application back in then. So I took that tip, but I had to figure out what to do with myself for 3 hours. I had some applications that still needed to be filled out so I headed over to Panera Bread. I got myself a Chai Tea Latte (VERY good mind you, I will TOTALLY be going back to get another) and sat down to kill some time. I filled out my applications and sent an email and relaxed a bit. It only killed an hour and a half though. I did a lot of back tracking, but it really didn't bother me. It was a really good day. I had a very positive feeling about today :D.
So I realized that there was an application that I forgot to fill out. This kinda of bummed me out. I headed over to Target to do some window shopping for a little bit though. I saw a lot of cute stuff that I wanted to get for Madison but I didn't have the money or the space for any of it. I can't wait until I have both of those things though because that clothing is so cute! And there are so many toys! But I moved on to the Starbucks inside of the Target to fill out my last application. That took up enough time for me to be able to head over and drop off my other applications at Noodles & Company and Steak & Shake. Then I went to Burger King with high hopes. The General Manager was there alright :D. I gave him my application and he glanced at it real quick. I don't think he expected anything special at first...
It was kind of funny. He looked at the application, then at me...then looked across the street at the very McDonald's I had quit a month ago and then at me again. Then he said "Do you have a few minutes?" And I said "Actually, I do". So he told me to sit down. I had to wait for a few minutes...but it was worth it. He asked me to tell him about myself. And I was honest. I told him I worked at that McDonald's for almost 3 years. And I explained the situation there (which I wont explain here because it's too long to tell). And I told him how I'm a hard worker and I take pride in my work and I'm detail oriented and I'm fast. He liked what he heard...because I signed my life a way as they say in the fast food business :D. Pretty much I'm waiting for the back ground check to come back and he said that he would call me about the middle of next week if it came back good about an orientation date. It's not for sure...but I'm extremely positive. I'm clean as a whistle. I'm really happy about this opportunity because he said that my 9-5 M-F was okay which is what I needed to hear.
After that I headed back towards the bus stop and dropped off my application at Hobby Lobby. I'm very positive about Burger King but I still want to keep my options open. Don't count your chickens before they hatch and all that. I really didn't want to get back into fast food. But it's a job, and I really need to have a job. And I might be able to get my licence back, and if I can do that I can move up. And being a manager at a Burger King isn't a horrible thing. It's good money.
Looking back...yeah I wonder why I bothered going to Everest and getting a Medical Assisting Degree if I'm might just end up being a Manager at a fast food restaurant. It was a waist of money. This is true...and I may or may not take the test for it and get my actual Degree for it. It's hard to say. I think we all do stuff in our lives that I wouldn't say we regret, but were unwise decisions. We just kind of go with the flow and live with those decisions. Maybe one day I'll take that test. Yeah, I'll have to study real hard because even after getting out school it would have been really hard for me and now it will be 100 times harder. That's something that's just a part of my life that I'll have to deal with later.
On a different note...I found out that I'm not going to be getting any money from Brian until the 18th. I will thankfully be getting money for diapers on Thursday. But any more money I will have to wait until the 18th. This pisses me off because I'm almost broke. And I need stuff. I mean, it's not like I can do a lot about it but it pisses me off. And then he was like "my next few paychecks are going to be a few hundred each so in 2 weeks I can give you like 100". Ok...well his next paycheck is the last one of the month and the only money I have seen (or will see) is $20 for diapers. And all I get with the next one is $100? I don't know that doesn't really add up to $250. I'd like more. And I better get more. At least $125 from each paycheck. But damn I can't believe I have to wait 2 weeks.
But other than that bull shit, it was a good day ^^b
It was very strange not having Madison this morning. But I woke up at 8am anyway because I had a lot to do. I was out the door by 10am and ready to find a job. It really wasn't that cold. Yeah it was 27 degrees out but I think that my positive attitude helped me keep warm ^_^. I was pretty much done by noon, but when I walked into Burger King I got a tip that the General Manager would be in at 3 and I should come back and turn the application back in then. So I took that tip, but I had to figure out what to do with myself for 3 hours. I had some applications that still needed to be filled out so I headed over to Panera Bread. I got myself a Chai Tea Latte (VERY good mind you, I will TOTALLY be going back to get another) and sat down to kill some time. I filled out my applications and sent an email and relaxed a bit. It only killed an hour and a half though. I did a lot of back tracking, but it really didn't bother me. It was a really good day. I had a very positive feeling about today :D.
So I realized that there was an application that I forgot to fill out. This kinda of bummed me out. I headed over to Target to do some window shopping for a little bit though. I saw a lot of cute stuff that I wanted to get for Madison but I didn't have the money or the space for any of it. I can't wait until I have both of those things though because that clothing is so cute! And there are so many toys! But I moved on to the Starbucks inside of the Target to fill out my last application. That took up enough time for me to be able to head over and drop off my other applications at Noodles & Company and Steak & Shake. Then I went to Burger King with high hopes. The General Manager was there alright :D. I gave him my application and he glanced at it real quick. I don't think he expected anything special at first...
It was kind of funny. He looked at the application, then at me...then looked across the street at the very McDonald's I had quit a month ago and then at me again. Then he said "Do you have a few minutes?" And I said "Actually, I do". So he told me to sit down. I had to wait for a few minutes...but it was worth it. He asked me to tell him about myself. And I was honest. I told him I worked at that McDonald's for almost 3 years. And I explained the situation there (which I wont explain here because it's too long to tell). And I told him how I'm a hard worker and I take pride in my work and I'm detail oriented and I'm fast. He liked what he heard...because I signed my life a way as they say in the fast food business :D. Pretty much I'm waiting for the back ground check to come back and he said that he would call me about the middle of next week if it came back good about an orientation date. It's not for sure...but I'm extremely positive. I'm clean as a whistle. I'm really happy about this opportunity because he said that my 9-5 M-F was okay which is what I needed to hear.
After that I headed back towards the bus stop and dropped off my application at Hobby Lobby. I'm very positive about Burger King but I still want to keep my options open. Don't count your chickens before they hatch and all that. I really didn't want to get back into fast food. But it's a job, and I really need to have a job. And I might be able to get my licence back, and if I can do that I can move up. And being a manager at a Burger King isn't a horrible thing. It's good money.
Looking back...yeah I wonder why I bothered going to Everest and getting a Medical Assisting Degree if I'm might just end up being a Manager at a fast food restaurant. It was a waist of money. This is true...and I may or may not take the test for it and get my actual Degree for it. It's hard to say. I think we all do stuff in our lives that I wouldn't say we regret, but were unwise decisions. We just kind of go with the flow and live with those decisions. Maybe one day I'll take that test. Yeah, I'll have to study real hard because even after getting out school it would have been really hard for me and now it will be 100 times harder. That's something that's just a part of my life that I'll have to deal with later.
On a different note...I found out that I'm not going to be getting any money from Brian until the 18th. I will thankfully be getting money for diapers on Thursday. But any more money I will have to wait until the 18th. This pisses me off because I'm almost broke. And I need stuff. I mean, it's not like I can do a lot about it but it pisses me off. And then he was like "my next few paychecks are going to be a few hundred each so in 2 weeks I can give you like 100". Ok...well his next paycheck is the last one of the month and the only money I have seen (or will see) is $20 for diapers. And all I get with the next one is $100? I don't know that doesn't really add up to $250. I'd like more. And I better get more. At least $125 from each paycheck. But damn I can't believe I have to wait 2 weeks.
But other than that bull shit, it was a good day ^^b
It's about sticking to your word.
So today Brian came to pick Madison up. I expected him to come a "Lil after 4" like he had said in his original text. He ended up texting me that he would be here around 6. That's not quite a "Lil after 4". But he actually came at 6 which made me happy. And he is keeping her until Thursday which makes me happy as well. I love Madison and I'm not trying to get rid of her by any means, it's just good to see him wanting to spend so much time with her. It's been a long time since she's spent so much time away from me though and so much time with him, and if it becomes too much I am ready to bring her home early. I think he's too proud to let that happen though. I'm ready for anything though. I'm trying to be really positive about the whole situation though.
I was pretty upset when 4 became 6. I had everything packed and ready at about 3. Then I got a text at about 3:30 about how he was going grocery shopping and asking what she liked to eat now which was really good to hear that he wanted to know those things. I just didn't understand. But...I guess I should just be happy that he's starting to do a good job. I hope that it continues.
After Madison left, I was able to get on my game and spend...6 hours online with Zach and Jeff. Alex ended up getting on a few hours after me. It's really rare for all four of us to be on at the same time. And we were on for a good amount of time. It was kind of nice to be able to just have fun and chat. Mostly that's what the game has become to me. Yeah, I enjoy getting on and doing what the game was originally intended for. But I also enjoy getting on and talking and spending time with my friends more. It's more about that to me now then anything.
Tomorrow I plan on getting up early and finding a job. ^^b. I had an interview on Friday...and I guess I didn't get the job because the lady said that there would be a phone call either Monday or Tuesday. Well, no phone call. So I didn't get the job. It happens. To be honest, I don't think I was fit for the job anyway. That's okay, there is another job out there for me anyway. And I'm confident that tomorrow I will find it =D. The weather outside isn't pretty, but that's okay. I'm ready for it! I have to find a job so that Madison and I can have a better life. I also have to call my DHS worker because she never called me back like she was supposed to. And that makes me mad. Because I need to get Brian off my case and start doing something about getting Child Support. Cause Brian started working in December...and I understand that it was his first week or so and so he really didn't get any money. But...when will I get my money for January. I'm not sure...but I better get all of it. Because I'm almost out of money, and that's not cool. Because I already told Brian that I will be needing diapers soon but that's not the only thing I will be needing and I can't keep asking him for stuff. I need the amount we agreed on. And I need my DHS worker to work with me.
So...seeing as I woke up as early as I did Tuesday morning, I'm not really sure how I haven't fallen over yet. But the fact remains that I haven't...but I'm pretty sure I'm about to. And I just got that sweet text that I've been waiting for that makes me smile ^_^. So it's time for me to call it a night and get some rest before I wake up crazy early and start the text war in the morning :P.
I was pretty upset when 4 became 6. I had everything packed and ready at about 3. Then I got a text at about 3:30 about how he was going grocery shopping and asking what she liked to eat now which was really good to hear that he wanted to know those things. I just didn't understand. But...I guess I should just be happy that he's starting to do a good job. I hope that it continues.
After Madison left, I was able to get on my game and spend...6 hours online with Zach and Jeff. Alex ended up getting on a few hours after me. It's really rare for all four of us to be on at the same time. And we were on for a good amount of time. It was kind of nice to be able to just have fun and chat. Mostly that's what the game has become to me. Yeah, I enjoy getting on and doing what the game was originally intended for. But I also enjoy getting on and talking and spending time with my friends more. It's more about that to me now then anything.
Tomorrow I plan on getting up early and finding a job. ^^b. I had an interview on Friday...and I guess I didn't get the job because the lady said that there would be a phone call either Monday or Tuesday. Well, no phone call. So I didn't get the job. It happens. To be honest, I don't think I was fit for the job anyway. That's okay, there is another job out there for me anyway. And I'm confident that tomorrow I will find it =D. The weather outside isn't pretty, but that's okay. I'm ready for it! I have to find a job so that Madison and I can have a better life. I also have to call my DHS worker because she never called me back like she was supposed to. And that makes me mad. Because I need to get Brian off my case and start doing something about getting Child Support. Cause Brian started working in December...and I understand that it was his first week or so and so he really didn't get any money. But...when will I get my money for January. I'm not sure...but I better get all of it. Because I'm almost out of money, and that's not cool. Because I already told Brian that I will be needing diapers soon but that's not the only thing I will be needing and I can't keep asking him for stuff. I need the amount we agreed on. And I need my DHS worker to work with me.
So...seeing as I woke up as early as I did Tuesday morning, I'm not really sure how I haven't fallen over yet. But the fact remains that I haven't...but I'm pretty sure I'm about to. And I just got that sweet text that I've been waiting for that makes me smile ^_^. So it's time for me to call it a night and get some rest before I wake up crazy early and start the text war in the morning :P.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Starting a Fresh New Year
Well, this is my very first blog I've ever done. I assume it's the same as a journal. I know that you can blog about pretty much anything...and you can journal about anything too. So...it's the same...right? I assume it is. I'm not sure if anyone will read this. I hope that maybe someone out there in the world will read it. If not, I guess I'm just talking to myself. It is better to blog then to talk to the walls though, as one of my friends says.
This being a new year, I decided to try something new and here it is. Blogging. I've had a lot of changes in my life and I think it's a good idea to keep track of them all. I'm a little stretched in the mind and I'm not completely together up there so it's probably good to keep track of what's going on in my life from day to day. Though, I might not end up blogging every day what with having a one and a half year old. A little bit about myself to start off with might be nice.
I'm a twenty two year old (well...I'm going to be twenty three in like a week) who is a single mother of a beautiful little girl who is a year and a half. Her name is Madison and she is the light of my life. She is what keeps me going ever day. So anyway, I left her father about a month and a half ago because he couldn't get his shit together (sorry...trying to get my swearing together...but it's been tough). I supported him for 3 years and he didn't get a job until I left his ass. He realized what he had when I left him but he can't have me back cause I've moved on. About the same time I left him I left my job. I was working at McDonald's for 3 years but was being treated like shit. Right now to be honest I'm REALLY regretting leaving that job. I know I hated it...but...I should have stayed. I left because they wouldn't let me change my availability but now I really need a job.
Finding a job has been a lot harder then I thought. Everyone said it was going to be easy for me. And if I had left a different time a year maybe it would have been. But...I left at a horrible time and now it's been really hard. I kind of feel like my life is falling apart. I can't provide for my child. I'm staying with a friend right now but I can't stay here forever. I'm trying to get into a shelter but I can't get into there until I get a job. I can't get a place of my own until I get a job. I don't think I've ever been this low in my life before. I feel like I've totally failed my child.
I try really hard to stay positive. When I left my ex I did a lot to make myself a better person. I've lost 20 lbs, I cut and dyed my hair. I feel and look so much better. And so many people have noticed it. And when I walk into my old work people are like "Leslie? Oh my gosh?!". They can hardly believe it's me. That makes me feel really good. But, that still doesn't help me find a job or get a place of my own for me and Madison. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, and i wish I could figure it out.
Then...there is this guy I like. We met online. And we've hung out a couple of times. He's cute and really cool. We have a lot in common and...I'm pretty sure he likes me. We flirt a lot and that makes me smile. I look forward to his texts. We still need to get to know each other a lot more that's for sure. And hang out more. And there is that issue that he kind of lives a bit away and doesn't live in the same city as me. But...that's just a minor detail, right?
Well...that's my life in a nut shell right now. It's kind of crazy. Trust me...it's more crazy then you can even imagine from what I've put down on paper.
As for current stuff, Madison is going over to her Father's tonight. She will be spending the night. He said that he will be taking her through Wednesday and possibly until Thursday. I really hope that he wants to keep her until Thursday. This will be the first time since I broke up with him that he has had her and he really needs to spend time with her. All I can do is wait until he comes to pick her up to see if he will be keeping her that long. I'm crossing my fingers.
This being a new year, I decided to try something new and here it is. Blogging. I've had a lot of changes in my life and I think it's a good idea to keep track of them all. I'm a little stretched in the mind and I'm not completely together up there so it's probably good to keep track of what's going on in my life from day to day. Though, I might not end up blogging every day what with having a one and a half year old. A little bit about myself to start off with might be nice.
I'm a twenty two year old (well...I'm going to be twenty three in like a week) who is a single mother of a beautiful little girl who is a year and a half. Her name is Madison and she is the light of my life. She is what keeps me going ever day. So anyway, I left her father about a month and a half ago because he couldn't get his shit together (sorry...trying to get my swearing together...but it's been tough). I supported him for 3 years and he didn't get a job until I left his ass. He realized what he had when I left him but he can't have me back cause I've moved on. About the same time I left him I left my job. I was working at McDonald's for 3 years but was being treated like shit. Right now to be honest I'm REALLY regretting leaving that job. I know I hated it...but...I should have stayed. I left because they wouldn't let me change my availability but now I really need a job.
Finding a job has been a lot harder then I thought. Everyone said it was going to be easy for me. And if I had left a different time a year maybe it would have been. But...I left at a horrible time and now it's been really hard. I kind of feel like my life is falling apart. I can't provide for my child. I'm staying with a friend right now but I can't stay here forever. I'm trying to get into a shelter but I can't get into there until I get a job. I can't get a place of my own until I get a job. I don't think I've ever been this low in my life before. I feel like I've totally failed my child.
I try really hard to stay positive. When I left my ex I did a lot to make myself a better person. I've lost 20 lbs, I cut and dyed my hair. I feel and look so much better. And so many people have noticed it. And when I walk into my old work people are like "Leslie? Oh my gosh?!". They can hardly believe it's me. That makes me feel really good. But, that still doesn't help me find a job or get a place of my own for me and Madison. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, and i wish I could figure it out.
Then...there is this guy I like. We met online. And we've hung out a couple of times. He's cute and really cool. We have a lot in common and...I'm pretty sure he likes me. We flirt a lot and that makes me smile. I look forward to his texts. We still need to get to know each other a lot more that's for sure. And hang out more. And there is that issue that he kind of lives a bit away and doesn't live in the same city as me. But...that's just a minor detail, right?
Well...that's my life in a nut shell right now. It's kind of crazy. Trust me...it's more crazy then you can even imagine from what I've put down on paper.
As for current stuff, Madison is going over to her Father's tonight. She will be spending the night. He said that he will be taking her through Wednesday and possibly until Thursday. I really hope that he wants to keep her until Thursday. This will be the first time since I broke up with him that he has had her and he really needs to spend time with her. All I can do is wait until he comes to pick her up to see if he will be keeping her that long. I'm crossing my fingers.
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